WK17 - Liftoff

Like Gaga, Randy's PoV is going airborne.

WK17 is in the books, though most of the world cared more about Super Bowl LI this week, and I can't blame them. That was pretty ridiculous, wouldn't you say?

"Gotta hand it to Gaga," said Safari. "She don't disappoint."

I agree. While her fashion sense may not be my cup-o-poutine, I give her full marks for theatrics (literally) and performance. I don't personally know anyone who has the balls (or ovaries) to launch herself off the rafters of a football stadium and dangle above 70K spectators, doing aerial flips, singing at near-perfect pitch and hanging on to dear life. And by life, I mean microphone. What would have happened if, upon her launch, a gust of wind or some other minor malfunction caused her to lose her grip with the microphone? She would have been fucked, no?

"I never even thought of that," said Burgundy. "She's got steel ovaries."

She sure does, dear Burgundy. And she soared high above the stadium like a champ. Her surge seemed to parallel the point accumulations we've seen in PoV lately too. So, before we get off-track with football, let's look at this week's statistics, courtesy of the stats machine:

Sitch still leads overall in the League, but it was Burgundy who amassed the most fantasy points this week (169.40). The League was more productive on a whole this week, with the average point accumulation being 143.70. For stat heads interested, that's the highest average point accumulation we've had this year.

"Sounds like the League is carbo-loading," said Sitch, "which is a great organic performance enhancement for those wishing to reach the next level for a specified period. And with the Bitch-It's-Sitch! program, you'll be able to find out all the answers to carbo-loading and learn about micro-carbo pumps --"

SILENCE you meathead!

With League productivity being at an all time high, PPGP also Crosboned higher. Burgundy was the most improved PPGP select-GM this week, improving his PPGP from 3.08 to 3.14 (+0.06), closey followed by Sitch, who improved from 3.22 to 3.26 (+0.04). Burgundy and Safari now both sport 3.14 PPGP; though they are still behind Sitch, they're not far off.

No major changes to the Rainbow, though I wanted to mention that Safari's got 12 shutouts for the year; that's an impressive haul considering the next best select-GM is Tree Bone with seven.

And finally, no changes to Rank. These latest statistics get me excited though; I love me a good statistical erectile explosion to the upside, especially when it's felt from all select-GM's. Sitch has been atop the rankings for too long now, and I want someone to behead the meat.

"Cold, Commissioner!" cried Sitch.

I'm looking at you, Safari and Burgundy. You have less than half a season now to take this Asian Situation down a notch, as I believe the remaining select-GM's are out of it; Dick is officially spreading his butter on lobster tails on the East coast, while Tree Bone is stuck in La La Land.

Competition is greatest when the stakes are high and the margins are small, very much like Super Bowl LI. You had three quarters of absolute domination by one team, followed by one quarter of what I consider to be the most ridiculous comeback I've ever witnessed in the NFL. (I admit, I don't watch NFL, but that game last night was still insane.)

Super Bowl LI did make me feel very thankful about the NHL, though. Being someone who doesn't watch the NFL, I was perplexed with the overtime format. I was in a state of shock about the overtime rules, specifically that if the starting offensive team successfully scores a touchdown, then the game is over. How is that fair? I don't understand the logic or reason behind this. Can someone explain it to me?

"God bless the NHL, where a true championship is won by a whole team effort and is done so fairly," said Dick Burns.

Wise words, Dick.