WK19 - Roar

Happy Family Day my select-GM's.

While most of you have planned to take it easy today by sleeping in, making breakfast for lunch and heading out to the slopes for some recreational fun, Sir Fucking Randy remains dedicated to his craft and #HAMs away at the office. But, he understands the need for some time to rest, so he's given the day off to his secretaries. It's great for both parties; the ladies need their beauty sleep, and Sir Fucking Randy could use a day off from having double D's in his face.

"Likewise," said Dick Burns.

WK19 is in the books and I know one particular select-GM is prospering more than the roaring twenties.

"Roaring, you say?" chimed in a giddy, blushing Safari.

Why, yes indeed, I did say roaring (extra Katy Perry), and it's quite fitting as Safari has had a stellar run as of late. Let's look at the visuals, courtesy of the stats machine:

Safari was this week's top bread winner (two-weeks consecutive), bringing home 157.50 fantasy points, second behind Sitch who had 141.35. Safari has brought home 314.20 fantasy points over the last two weeks, about 50 fantasy points more than Sitch in that span and has thus closed the distance on the number one position.

Adds McGuire: It's been his forwards, Commissioner Randy. His snipers are starting to find the back of the net, and week-over-week Safari's improved his shot % from 9.85% to 10.08%. That's a huge improvement intra-week. He's almost at a 3.00 PPGP for players too, a rate that had only been achieved by Burgundy and Sitch.

Indeed, Safari's players have done a lot of heavy lifting this week; let's see if he'll be a victim of ebbs and flows, or if he'll continue to erect himself like buildings in Dubai.

Sitch still leads overall with a 3.26 PPGP (up from 3.25), but it was Safari who had the biggest improvement in his PPGP. He's now up to 3.21 (up from 3.17). He's still trailing Sitch, but the gap is closing fast. Considering that Safari was scoring at a 3.06 PPGP just over a month ago shows you just how insane his point production has been in the last couple of weeks. Can we expect this to continue?

Adds McGuire: We might, especially since Safari has exposure to teams that are running off of high adrenaline and momentum. On top of coaching changes, Safari has teams that have turned their fortunes and suddenly find them in the race for final playoff positions (Boston, Winnipeg and St. Louis). I guarantee teams will only be playing harder once the snow melts and Spring fills the air. If I were Sitch, I'd be nervous!

No big changes to the Rainbow, but like I said earlier, Safari's been able to improve his shot % significantly week-over-week, while maintaining his other stats. Impressive results.

Adds McGuire: I'm so glad you brought that up - excellent point, Commissioner. Safari's been so good this week on offense, but his goalie stats have also held up and he's now got the second best goalie stats. Who would have thought that? Remember when Tree Bone and Dick were running away with it? Safari's chipped away slowly, collecting monstrous shutouts on the way, and now is well-positioned. Amazing! 

And finally, the Rank. No changes week-over-week.

Anyways, aside from hockey, this is Family Day, so I thought I'd provide an update to all readers on what our favourite select-GM's are doing on this holiday. This update may or may not include true or untrue statements; it's at the mercy of my inside sources and I take no responsibility for how accurate these updates may be. Nonetheless, I think my sources credible so let's do a little "I Spy", shall we?

Sitch - Family Day is Fitness Day at House of Sitch. There's always more carbo-loading to do, more plates to squat and more mirrors to pose, and Sitch plans on doing all of that on Family Day. No time for friends or family, all the time in the world for fitness.

Burgundy - Has been a man of mystery as of late, in the sense that I haven't heard a peep from him in ages, though I do know he's regularly active on social media interactions. He was last seen cracking a few hard boiled eggs, salivating over egg whites and taking in some great television. A fanatic of all things sports, he's been reported to have given NBA All-Star 2017 his undivided attention, applauding it and grading the event light years ahead of NHL All-Star Weekend.

Safari - Has been slaving away this Family Day, doing everything he possibly can to dethrone Sitch from the top of the League. But aside from hockey, he's also been wheeling and dealing, cashing in on his negotiation skills and planning big things. Being a man who is able to get what he wants, I've been told that he gets compensated for international flights, and he's planning a trip to North America this year again. It may just be rumours, but my spidey senses tell me he's coming.

Tree Bone - A select-GM who gives zero-fucks, she's off doing better and more important things, such as making a difference in children's lives, though she has self-admittedly said she sometimes wishes to punch a few of them kiddies. I can't confirm this, but I believe Tree Bone may be hitting the slopes this Family Day, which consists of skiing to the max and grabbing a greasy plateful of poutine.

Dick Burns - Dick Burns is off serenading East Coast Tail with his Morgan Freeman-esque voice, trapping innocent honies who don't know what hit them. Sporting a "Thank You For Your Daughters" sign, Dick Burns really knows how to celebrate Family Day in style.

Until next time, gentlemen and lady.

- Sir Fucking Randy