Next Question with Ron Burgundy

The fifth installment of Next Question (NQ) features former Randy League Champion, Ronald Burgundy. Yes, PoV is now over, but that doesn't mean that great journalism must stop abruptly. NQ had not been wrapped up by season's end, so I am continuing on with the tradition as the NHL heads into the playoffs.

Out of respect for last year's Champion (Burgundy), he's the last select-GM to be interviewed for NQ.

"Gracious of you, Commissioner," nods Burgundy.

Good evening, Ronald.

Good evening, Commissioner Randy.

How have you been?

It's been one hell of a ride this season, Commissioner. Coming off back-to-back Championships - and dethroning Sitch in the process - was an exhilarating experience, but it comes with a lot of pressure as well. I take this League very seriously, and for much of the first half of the season, I was cock-blocked. I felt pretty comfortable with my team, but they weren't delivering.

They seemed to have turned it up in Q4, though they came up short at the end.

Oh yes. With my Crosbone dominating, he really helped my team. He's returned to being the cornerstone (much like my beloved Corningstone) of my roster. (Though I don't think the Mrs. would appreciate me comparing her to Crosbone.)

"You`re comparing me to Crosbone?!"

Did you think you had enough to catch Safari?

Oh, I'm not sure about that. Listen, as you get older, you gain more perspective on things. Do I want to win? Hell yes. I will always want to win. But I know that I've won twice before, and you cannot possibly always think that you're going to win - that's just stupid.

Which Championship stands out more, out of the two?

Hmmm... you never forget your first. ("Amen," said Dick Burns, from an unidentified location.) Randy's Tri-Hard! was pretty insane because Sitch looked like he was well on his way to a third title belt in a row, but his team buckled right at the end while mine surged. After that a season I thought, "I can do this."

How do you feel about Safari taking it this year?

About two weeks ago I was very bullish on my prospects for overtaking the League; I had the hot hand. And Sitch was really starting to flounder with his injuries so I saw an opening. But that's the thing - this League is always very tight and the window to make your surge (extra Burg) is small. Safari got his mojo back and the rest is history.

Safari getting his mojo back.

Now aside from hockey, what's been on your mind?

I'm a lover of all professional sports, so I do follow other Leagues. I really enjoy the NBA, not just for the sport, but for the personalities too. I find the NHL can be a bit stiff around the edges at times; there's so much protocol on what players should say and do so the stories can be filtered and bland. I find the NBA is raw. I enjoy that. ("I also enjoy doing it raw," chimed in Dick Burns.)

How about aside from sports?

I've been getting more and more intrigued with real estate. It's fascinating, especially in the current environment we live in. Toronto's skyrocketing real estate makes me wonder how sustainable it is, and what the aftermath will look like. It reminds me a lot of what happens to Leaf fans at the Air Canada Centre, actually: there's huge demand, so prices go the highest bidders, which hurts those who are most loyal. Torontonians love their city and they love their Leafs, but in both instances they're getting pushed out because of money. What you end up with are high prices and no passion. Who wants to live in a city where all the buildings are held by foreign investors and at 50% occupancy? It could turn into a ghost town. Likewise with Air Canada Centre; you won't get the most loyal, proud and loud fans because the majority of seats are occupied by C-suite executives who care more about the sushi bar.

Insightful, Burgundy.

It really is a shame. As an apartment tenant, I don't necessarily have the burden of paying high prices for housing. But that doesn't mean that I wouldn't MIND owning a home. I love the idea of home ownership. I would love to have more living space so I could spread out my mahogany collection. But at these prices? Yikes.

"All I want is space for my mahogany collections."

You're an accomplished and distinguished Anchorman and select-GM. How do you not have the capital to finance a real estate purchase?

You know me, Commissioner Randy. I stack paper to my (rented) ceiling, but I also enjoy the finer things in life. I'm not like Sitch, who's a cheap monkey who pinches every earned penny with his dumbbell calloused fingers. I enjoy life: my bodacious body requires quality textiles and fabrics, from only the finest Eddie Bauer outlets. My feet deserve not just pristine soles, but shoes with soul. 

What's on the agenda for Ronald Burgundy, post fantasy?

I continue to work (obviously) and master my craft. But, I will also be taking some time off leading into the summer. I've heard that California air is to die for, so I'll be making a trip to the west coast for the first time. I'm looking forward to that.

That sounds lovely. Bon voyage, Burgundy, and see you next season.

Goodbye...?

WK26 - GM's Quarterly IV

And there it is.

WK26 (a.k.a. GM's Quarterly IV) is in the books, concluding yet another season of the Randy Leagues. I'm honoured to announce that this year's Randy League Champion goes to the (no longer) silver-backed lion, African Lion Safari.

"Oh, my, God," said a near-speechless Safari, choking away tears.

That's right, folks. We have a new Champion (and a first timer, no less). 

"Oh, virgins..." grinned Dick Burns.

The previous four seasons were dominated by back-to-back winners in Sitch (2013-2014) and Burgundy (2015-2016), but it is now the Lion's turn to walk with pride (extra rock). It's been a long time a-comin' for said Lion, who has finished just short of winning the title many times over.

Before we get into GM's Quarterly, let's look at the weekly statistics one final time, courtesy of the stats machine:

Safari, who was being chased for the last two weeks by Sitch and Burgundy, was able to hold off and bring home a League-leading 171.30 fantasy points over the last seven days, about 30+ points better than Sitch and Burgundy. Though he was cautious about celebrating early, it was pretty apparent by Friday night that he was going to take it.

"I received a premature congratulatory text from Sitch," said Safari, not at all surprised with Sitch's premature nature. "He's a good lad.

"I take serious precautions when it comes to hockey though," he added. "I treat my fantasy team the same way I treat my Leafs: with significant doubt. I've been burned too many times before with the Leafs; they've crashed and burned before (let's not bring up the Leafs-Bruins 2013 Game 7) and my fantasy team has done the same for years. This time around, my ambitions were conservative until the very end."

Going into the weekend, Sitch - who was second - trailed Safari by just over 50 points. While the gap could have been closed, it would have depended on Safari's team pulling a huge bagel during the final two days of play, which was unrealistic. Burgundy, who was about 80 points back going into the weekend, was also in the same boat.

"It's disappointing," said second-placed Sitch, exhausted from the season's grind. "I feel off about it, to be honest. I mean, I made it very clear from the beginning that I wasn't convinced with my team. But they surprised me. With so many weeks sitting at number one and pretty decent statistics to back it up, I felt I had a chance. But come trade deadline I was reluctant to make any crazy moves because I still wasn't sure if we had the roster to make that final push. Roster injuries (see Stamkos and Malkin) made me unsure if I could hold off competition until the end. Maybe I should have gambled a bit more..."

Disappointed Sitch.

"Likewise, I am also disappointed," said third-placed Burgundy. "A threepeat as Champion would have been nice to add to my mahogany trophy case. Crosbone had one hell of a season, and I managed to pick up Patrick Kane at the same time. God damn it! I had the tools to do it. I really did. I just had a horrendous start and ran out of time at season's end... had the season been another week longer, I think I could have closed this out."

Burgundy, at a loss for words.

Tree Bone, who finished fourth, didn't have much to say, except, "I love Vegas!"

"Congratulations Safari - you really deserve it," said Dick Burns, who placed fifth and will be picking first overall in next year's draft. "I'm going to be honest; I (once again) wasn't very active in the back half of the season. I really wanted to be, but there were too many things going on on the East Coast. I was - and still am - running my production company, as well as branching out into stand-up comedy! And to top it all off, the ladies have been all over me, trying to snuggle my trunk. Some of these ladies are insane; they spend their days making S&M props and whips and watch PG Disney movies at night. What am I to do with these crazed felines?!"

Dick added, "I'll see you guys at the next draft, with two minutes to spare!"

With this being the close of Quarter IV, let's dish out some awards too.

SELECT-GM OF THE QUARTER - SAFARI

(Honourable mention: Burgundy)

Do I need to say more? He turned up production when it mattered most and dethroned Sitch from first, and managed to stave off the competition for the rest of the season. Though he wasn't the quarter's biggest producer, he was damn close. Safari brought him 907.40 fantasy points over the quarter (averaging 3.44 PPGP over that span).

Burgundy gets honourable mention as he was actually the quarter's most productive select-GM, bringing home 1,004.45 fantasy points (averaging 3.46 PPGP). Those are some phenomenal statistics, absolutely off the charts. Too bad it wasn't enough to propel him into first.

For those interested, Sitch's productivity lagged significantly. He took in 790.25 fantasy points (averaging 3.15 PPGP in the process).

JARED COWEN OF THE QUARTER - SITCH

(Honourable mention: Tree Bone)

"Fucking filthy!" cried Sitch.

Sitch gets the JC Award because his team floundered in the Quarter that mattered the most. He had been leading the League all season long, never having any blowout weeks, but always consistently banking good numbers. His team acted like a prototypical Warren Buffet investment; consistent, safe and predictable.

But then in Quarter IV, injuries took over and one of his star players, Brent Burns, went dry. The shortfalls of his team began to show and at season's end he was left staring at the Lion's ass.

BUSY BEE OF THE QUARTER - DICK BURNS

(Honourable mention: Tree Bone)

Looks a bit like Dick.

Dick Burns has been busy as fuck this Quarter, so busy in fact that he neglected to fulfill his responsibilities as a select-GM. While he was actively participating in the League up to Christmas, he became utterly distracted going into the New Year. His commitments to running his production empire swallowed up all his spare time and required his undivided attention. As previously mentioned, he also ventured out into stand-up comedy, apparently giving his two cents on NFLD customs. And, to top it all off, he's fending off honey bunnies.

"Trials and tribulations," said a nonchalant Dick Burns.

As a man who is all about the arts, Dick is constantly working with the industries top and aspiring artists. And, being a man of power with his juggernaut productions company and executive position at a highly regarded theatre, he attracts many talented, bone-thirsty bunnies.

"It's tough," said Dick. "I take my roles very seriously so there cannot be any conflict of interest or threat to independence when I audition artists. I would never jeopardize my professionalism for a quick joy bounce.

"That being said, there are many times where I genuinely want to engage in some sort of relationship with a person, but it is in direct conflict with my job or the current situation. Talk about getting cock-blocked in the most professional way possible."

Oh Dick, now you know how it feels to be cock-blocked.

"First time for everything," said Dick Burns.

Wise words, Dick.

WK25 - The Mane Event

It's crunch time.

(Aside: Apologies for the lateness of this stats report. It's been a hell of a week so far so Commissioner Randy was short on time.)

"Hazzz!" screamed Sitch, beating his chest like the uncivilized gorilla he is.

No, Sitch, I meant the figurative 'crunch' time, not literal. We're at WK25 and there's less than two weeks left of the season, so it's time to get down to business.

"I am in business, for shiz," said Safari, albeit cautiously.

Safari is sure in business. He is the main - or, should I say, MANE - event.

"I love a good pun," said Dick.

Safari's been in business since the pyramids were erected. He ain't just a businessman. He's a business, man.

Here are the statistics, courtesy of the stats machine:

Safari was this week's top bread winner, bringing home 186.85 fantasy points. The League average was 148.10 fantasy points, so Safari outperformed the League by 25% or so. Respect, friend.

Adds McGuire: I'm absolutely floored by the parity in the League. It's just so close. You can really appreciate the planning and strategy going on with the League front runners. The turnaround that Burgundy's team has been able to achieve is just outstanding. Sitch's team was an example of (excellence?) consistency until late-season injuries started catching up to him. But Safari - OH BABY! He just might close this out for the first time in his select-GM career!

Safari now owns the League's best PPGP with a 3.27, closely followed by Burgundy (3.26) and Sitch (3.25). I've brought this up before, but I'll say it again; Safari's PPGP is boosted significantly by his monstrous shutouts earned from his tenders. What a fucking stud.

"Stop jinxing it!" cried Safari.

Remember when Dick Burns was trouncing the competition with his goalie stats at the beginning of the season (a-la Carey Price)? Well, Safari now boasts the best PPGP for goalies with 4.76 and doesn't seem to be slowing down. He's keeping pucks out and shutting out teams wherever possible.

And finally the Rank. Congratulations on holding top spot for two-weeks consecutive, Safari. Can you manage one more week (i.e. the most important week of all)?

"I think he'll do it," said Dick Burns.

Wise words, Dick.

WK24 - Hello!

[SAFARI]

Hello!

My name is A.L.S.

And I would like to share with you

The most amazing news!

[BURGUNDY]

Hello!

My name is Ronnie Burg

It's news about our Randy League

Of Fanta-Fantasy

[SAFARI]

It has

So many awesome parts

You simply won't believe how much

This news has changed my life

[SITCH]

Hello (sob)

My name is AznSitch

When I heard about this news

I yelled out "Jesus Christ!"

[DICK BURNS]

Hello! 

My name is Mister Burns

Did you know that Sitch is out of first

As of today?

[TREE BONE]

You can

Read all about it now

On this nifty site, it's free!

No, you don't have to pay!

[SAFARI]

Hello!

It's A.L.S. again

And can I leave this news with you

For you to just peruse?

[BURGUNDY]

Hello!

[TREE BONE]

Hello!

[DICK BURNS]

Hello!

I'll just leave it here

It's the best of information

I could really use

[BURGUNDY]

Hello!

[TREE BONE]

Hi!

My name is --

[SITCH]

Bitch-It's-Sitch!

[SAFARI]

You have such lovely form

Thank you!

[DICK BURNS]

It's such amazing news

[TREE BONE]

Bonjour!

[SAFARI]

Marhabaan!

[SITCH]

Ni Hao!

Aismi hu A.L.S.

[BURGUNDY]

Is this my line?

This news gives me the

Passage to the Golden Life!

Sound good?

[ALL]

The Golden Life!

[SITCH]

(sob) Jesus Christ!

Is super fun!

[DICK BURNS]

Wise words!

[TREE BONE]

You bet!

Atop the Randy Leagues

The view is great

It can be done!

[SITCH]

I've tanked

[BURGUNDY]

You sure?

Oh, well.

That's fine

Goodbye!

Have fun in hell

[TREE BONE/DICK BURNS]

Hey now!

[ALL]

You simply won't believe how much

Safari loves his life

Safari loves his life

Safari loves his life

Safari loves his life

Safari loves his life!

[MCGUIRE, spoken]

Hello! Would you like to hear the news?! Safari's now in first!

[COMMISSIONER RANDY, spoken]

No, no, Pierre McGuire! That's not how we do it! You're making things up again. Just stick to the approved commentary. Select-GM's, show him!

[ALL]

Hello!

[MCGUIRE]

Hello!

My name is --

Pierre McGuire!

And we would like to 

Share with you this news

Of A.L.S.

[DICK BURNS]

Hello!

[SAFARI]

Hello!

[BURGUNDY]

??

[TREE BONE]

Heigh ho!

[SITCH]

Fuck this news!

[DICK BURNS]

It's free!

[TREE BONE]

For you!

[SAFARI]

For me!

[ALL]

You see?

You simply would believe how much

Safari loves his life! (Hello!)

Safari loves his life! (Hello!)

So Sitch can burn in --

[MCGUIRE]

Hell-o!

[ALL]

You're gonna die someday

But if you saw the news you'll see

Safari's won today

Spend eternity winning with Sir Randy

We can fully guarantee that, oh! 

Safari loves his life

Safari loves his life

Safari loves his life

Safari loves his life

He's in first place (first place)

Hello!

Alright, first off: a big thank you to everyone in that number. Spot on, performers, spot on.

Now, onto the important news at hand: as we just heard through that fanciful song and dance, Safari is now in first place. He's officially dethroned Sitch, who had held first place for 16 consecutive weeks. Four fucking months - no easy task.

But 'streaks' are called streaks for a reason - they don't last. And we have Safari to thank for breaking this tread line. Here are WK24's statistics, courtesy of the stats machine:

Safari is a mere single fantasy point ahead of Sitch, with Burgundy chasing the two of them closely. Burgundy was actually this week's top bread winner (again) with 158.75 fantasy points, closely followed by Safari who had 150.05 fantasy points. Sitch, who is now floundering with inconsistent goaltending and scoring (his two top centres in Malkin and Stamkos have been out for prolonged periods), is capsizing and things aren't looking very good. His prized first round selection of Brent Burns has gone south with the rest of San Jose and went pointless for seven games straight.

"My Crosbone has done more with one hand than Burns has in two weeks!" jeered Burgundy, referring to Crosbone's one-handed backhand goal against Buffalo a few nights ago.

Burgundy continues to lead PPGP with a 3.30, closely followed by Safari and Sitch who both clock in at 3.26.  

No major changes to the Rainbow, except that Sitch is now averaging the lowest PPGP for goalies. Wins have been hard to come by recently; Martin Jones has lost significant points for Sitch over the last few weeks and it doesn't look like San Jose will be turning things around anytime soon.

And finally the Rank - how does it feel to be at the top, Safari?

"Let's not jinx it," said Safari, cautiously.

Of course. Until next time, gentlemen and lady,

- Commissioner Randy

WK23 - the Gun Show

I know I sound like a broken record, but this has got to be the closest fantasy race we've ever had. And Burgundy's sure making a case for himself - he's showing the competition that he's ready to win, guns a-blazin'.

Adds McGuire: You're absolutely right, Commissioner, and I'm glad you brought that up because it's an excellent, excellent, excellent point.

Thanks, kiss-ass McGuire.

With WK23 wrapped up like a German sausage, let's have a look at the visuals, courtesy of the stats machine:

Adds McGuire: A monstrous, monstrous week for camp Burgundy. He was this week's biggest performer, producing 193.95 fantasy points, lead by Crosby (of course), who scored six goals and two assists during the week. That's unbelievable! I should be shocked, but then again it's Crosby! You factor that monstrous performance with the slowed performance of Sitch (who is still without Malkin or Stamkos), and the result? A very, very close race, my friends. (chuckles) VERY CLOSE!

It's important to note that Safari had a respectable week as well, bringing home 140.25 fantasy points, lead by Marchand. The left-winger from Boston has been an absolute beast for Safari; who would have thought that he'd be in the hunt for the Art Ross?

Adds McGuire: If you had asked me that a year ago, I would have thought, "Are you kidding me?" No disrespect to Marchand, but he's always been more of a utility guy, you know? A body you need in the playoffs for sure, someone who can be a difference maker. But a leading scorer? I didn't think that would be the case. Shows you how wrong I was!

Adds McGuire: And with that monstrous performance, Burgundy has now actually overtaken Sitch for the lead in PPGP. It seemed impossible but Burgundy's done it. He now sports a 3.31 (+0.03 from last week) while Sitch sits second with a 3.29 (-0.02 from last week). Safari was able to improve his to 3.26 (+0.01 from last week). I can't believe the spread between first to third is only 0.05 PPGP; the parity in the League is incredible.

"Ebbs and flows, bitches!" screamed Burgundy.

On the money, Burgundy. Sitch had been flowing so well for much of the season; he was consistent and doing his own thing at his own pace. But in the last two weeks his stats have really started to slide; the absence of Stamkos was being hidden for quite some time, but now with Malkin out and a shortage of goalie wins, Sitch is returning to human form.

Sitch was last seen on Friday night, sulking over his lack of performance while gorging on a hefty serving of Gabriel's Pizza and Chicken Wings.

"That's a fine pizza joint," said Burgundy.

Adds McGuire: We didn't see any major changes in the Rainbow, except that Burgundy is now leading in PPGP by players (previously held by Sitch). Sitch has also dropped to the lowest PPGP by goalies. Other than stacking up wins, he's been at or below League averages in all other goalie statistics, and he hasn't been able to muster out many shutouts.

Adds McGuire: No major changes to Rank, except that Dick Burns and Tree Bone have swapped positions (again).

"It's important to swap positions," said Dick. "You need to mix things up."

Wise words, Dick.

WK22 - You Have a Massive Erection

WK22 is in the books, which means there's about four weeks left in Randy's PoV. That's about a month or so left of glorious fantasy hockey; it's sad, I know. Every year I get melancholy around this time; there's still hockey left to be played, but I know that with each and every passing night the end gets that much closer. It's too short, it's just too short.

"That's what Sitch was told on prom night," smirked Dick Burns.

Oh, well played, Dick.

Anyway, let's take a look at WK22's statistics, courtesy of the stats machine:

Sitch still leads overall in PoV, but it was Burgundy who amassed the biggest weekly point gain, bringing home 161.80 fantasy points. He was closely followed by - and this is not a typo, here - Dick Burns, who brought home 161.60 during the week.

Burgundy had very well rounded scoring from his skaters, and picked up key wins from Anderson and Bobrovsky. Dick Burns also got solid scoring from his skaters, particularly Perry, who picked up three goals during the week.

"Ugh.... Perry," shuddered Sitch, clearly irritated by the sound of that name.

Sitch still leads overall PPGP with a 3.31 (no change from the previous week. Burgundy remains second with 3.28 (+0.01 this week) and Safari at third with 3.25 (no change from last week). Dick Burns, with his massive point accumulation in the last seven days, has lifted his PPGP to 3.00 (+0.07 from last week). It's been long overdue, Dick Burns. Long, fucking, overdue.

The Rainbow is showing us that the top three select-GM's (Sitch, Safari and Burgundy) are pretty well rounded throughout, though Burgundy could use a little help in the goalie department. Sitch, who was previously banking insane wins from his goalies, has leveled off a little bit, and his win % is now below 60% (it had been above 60% for most of the year). The slowdown in goalie points has contributed to the narrowing gap between Sitch and the rest of the select-GM's.

The Rank, for the first time in ages(!) has a change! Dick Burns, Randy League's perennial basement tenant, has catapulted himself out of fifth and into fourth position. I'm not sure if this bodes well with his drafting plans for next year, but damn it sure is nice to report on a Ranking change.

So, we now have 22 weeks of data, and there are only four more weeks to come. A lot can change during that time, but what would the League look like assuming data trends continue? Well, it would appear that we'd be crowning Sitch his third belt in five years, though he'd be narrowly edging out Burgundy, who would be projected to finish second, about 40 points behind. Safari would be about 70 points short of the title belt, whereas Dick Burns and Tree Bone would be 300+ points behind.

Commissioner Randy has been eyeing the stats closely, and it's honestly too damn close to call at this point. There are too many variables to make a conclusive argument. Sitch leads, and has lead, for such a long time now and his performance has been highly regarded throughout the League.

"The guy's so damn consistent," said Safari. "When he's gets a good week, it's huge. When he's not the best during the week, he's above average. I can't remember the last time he's had a terrible week."

"It's been hard to catch this mother-meathead," said Burgundy, twiddling his mustache. "But if there's anyone that can do it, wouldn't you think it'd be the select-GM who was able to dethrone him a few years ago, when said select-GM was more than 300 fanatasy points behind?"

Best of luck to you all in the final month. Cordially,

- Sir Fucking Randy

Next Question with Tree Bone

The fourth installment of Next Question (NQ) features Zero-Fucks-Given Tree Bone, our feature lady in the group of select-GM's. I thought a feature NQ of our resident feline would pair well today given that it's International Women's Day, so I caught up with the lavish lady at a sophisticated social, complete with assortments of fine cheeses, distinguished personnel and boarded games (extra Catan).

Good evening, Tree Bone.

Hi, Commissioner Randy! Long time no see!

Yes, it's been quite some time. How have you been?

Busy! You know me, always striving to live life to the fullest!

You were supposed to arrive a while ago... are you 'fashionably' late?

Haha oh no, not at all. I was working!

On a Friday night?

Sure thing, Commissioner. I'm in the grind, working wherever and whenever I can. We all need to make ends meet, and I'm no different.

You are an inspiration to the next generation of women, Tree Bone.

Aw, why thank you, Commissioner. But honestly, there are way more inspirational and influential women than me. I'm just building the best life I can, taking it all in and being positive and being happy with who I am.

What a great perspective. You are happy, yes?

Absolutely. The last six months or so have been exceptionally special. Not only did my Pride Rock and I find a dwelling to settle into, but we also got married last summer. Then, a couple we've been very close with moved back into town and we offered them our spare room while they got settled. Living together with them under one roof has been so much fun; it's like summer camp every single day.

How long will they stay?

They're actually in the process of moving out as they've found their own place. But, they'll only be a few houses from us so we'll still be in close proximity.

So life will get back to normal soon?

I guess, though I will miss living with them. Like I said, it's extremely fun.

Speaking of 'fun', how's married life?

Great! Though I must say I don't think there's any real change except for the extra weight on my finger.

Ever get sick of each other?

Of course! (Laughter) But every couple goes through their arguments. We have one rule in our house, and that's never go to bed angry. Arguing is normal and healthy, so we just make sure that we get it all out and make up before our heads hit the pillow.

"We better make up before bed!"

That's a good rule to live by. Any other rules?

I'm not sure if it's a rule, but we strive to make time for one another. Despite living together, we find it hard to actually see and spend time with one another. We're both very social and have lots going on, so sometimes we won't see each other at all. We both work full time, so we hardly see each other during the day. I'm usually working a few evenings and weekends tutoring students too, so sometimes I don't see him for days. He's an avid skier too, so sometimes he just runs out to the slopes for an evening. It's tough!

How do you make time, then?

As lame as it sounds, we do try to have date nights which means that we actually allocate time to one another in our calendars. I'm serious, because if we don't, we end up getting booked up with something else. We love date nights.

Date nights with Tree Bone.

What do you do on a date night?

It could be a variety of things, but it's usually having time to sit down together for a meal. Our schedules are so different, to the point that we don't actually eat at the same times during the week. It's a bit rare for us, so being able to sit down and eat together is something we value highly.

Do you go out? Eat in?

We do splurge once in a while and go out for a dinner. Pride Rock is a pretty good cook though, so eating in is not a problem!

I've heard about his famous stews. He's quite the master chef.

It really comes in handy for potlucks. I see Sitch and his wife from time to time and we usually get a potluck going. There's never a shortage of food.

Oh really? I had no idea you and Sitch had potlucks.

Oh yes, most definitely. He's got a dumpling recipe that he makes from scratch and Pride Rock and I have become big fans. We've even made it a few times at our home. Sitch may be a gym-ratty bore, but damn he can make a good dumpling. It's fun times all around.

Sounds like you're living the dream, Tree Bone. I'm very happy for you.

Thanks, Commissioner! Now if you'll excuse, me, I think my husband is calling me...