WK24 - Hello!

[SAFARI]

Hello!

My name is A.L.S.

And I would like to share with you

The most amazing news!

[BURGUNDY]

Hello!

My name is Ronnie Burg

It's news about our Randy League

Of Fanta-Fantasy

[SAFARI]

It has

So many awesome parts

You simply won't believe how much

This news has changed my life

[SITCH]

Hello (sob)

My name is AznSitch

When I heard about this news

I yelled out "Jesus Christ!"

[DICK BURNS]

Hello! 

My name is Mister Burns

Did you know that Sitch is out of first

As of today?

[TREE BONE]

You can

Read all about it now

On this nifty site, it's free!

No, you don't have to pay!

[SAFARI]

Hello!

It's A.L.S. again

And can I leave this news with you

For you to just peruse?

[BURGUNDY]

Hello!

[TREE BONE]

Hello!

[DICK BURNS]

Hello!

I'll just leave it here

It's the best of information

I could really use

[BURGUNDY]

Hello!

[TREE BONE]

Hi!

My name is --

[SITCH]

Bitch-It's-Sitch!

[SAFARI]

You have such lovely form

Thank you!

[DICK BURNS]

It's such amazing news

[TREE BONE]

Bonjour!

[SAFARI]

Marhabaan!

[SITCH]

Ni Hao!

Aismi hu A.L.S.

[BURGUNDY]

Is this my line?

This news gives me the

Passage to the Golden Life!

Sound good?

[ALL]

The Golden Life!

[SITCH]

(sob) Jesus Christ!

Is super fun!

[DICK BURNS]

Wise words!

[TREE BONE]

You bet!

Atop the Randy Leagues

The view is great

It can be done!

[SITCH]

I've tanked

[BURGUNDY]

You sure?

Oh, well.

That's fine

Goodbye!

Have fun in hell

[TREE BONE/DICK BURNS]

Hey now!

[ALL]

You simply won't believe how much

Safari loves his life

Safari loves his life

Safari loves his life

Safari loves his life

Safari loves his life!

[MCGUIRE, spoken]

Hello! Would you like to hear the news?! Safari's now in first!

[COMMISSIONER RANDY, spoken]

No, no, Pierre McGuire! That's not how we do it! You're making things up again. Just stick to the approved commentary. Select-GM's, show him!

[ALL]

Hello!

[MCGUIRE]

Hello!

My name is --

Pierre McGuire!

And we would like to 

Share with you this news

Of A.L.S.

[DICK BURNS]

Hello!

[SAFARI]

Hello!

[BURGUNDY]

??

[TREE BONE]

Heigh ho!

[SITCH]

Fuck this news!

[DICK BURNS]

It's free!

[TREE BONE]

For you!

[SAFARI]

For me!

[ALL]

You see?

You simply would believe how much

Safari loves his life! (Hello!)

Safari loves his life! (Hello!)

So Sitch can burn in --

[MCGUIRE]

Hell-o!

[ALL]

You're gonna die someday

But if you saw the news you'll see

Safari's won today

Spend eternity winning with Sir Randy

We can fully guarantee that, oh! 

Safari loves his life

Safari loves his life

Safari loves his life

Safari loves his life

He's in first place (first place)

Hello!

Alright, first off: a big thank you to everyone in that number. Spot on, performers, spot on.

Now, onto the important news at hand: as we just heard through that fanciful song and dance, Safari is now in first place. He's officially dethroned Sitch, who had held first place for 16 consecutive weeks. Four fucking months - no easy task.

But 'streaks' are called streaks for a reason - they don't last. And we have Safari to thank for breaking this tread line. Here are WK24's statistics, courtesy of the stats machine:

Safari is a mere single fantasy point ahead of Sitch, with Burgundy chasing the two of them closely. Burgundy was actually this week's top bread winner (again) with 158.75 fantasy points, closely followed by Safari who had 150.05 fantasy points. Sitch, who is now floundering with inconsistent goaltending and scoring (his two top centres in Malkin and Stamkos have been out for prolonged periods), is capsizing and things aren't looking very good. His prized first round selection of Brent Burns has gone south with the rest of San Jose and went pointless for seven games straight.

"My Crosbone has done more with one hand than Burns has in two weeks!" jeered Burgundy, referring to Crosbone's one-handed backhand goal against Buffalo a few nights ago.

Burgundy continues to lead PPGP with a 3.30, closely followed by Safari and Sitch who both clock in at 3.26.  

No major changes to the Rainbow, except that Sitch is now averaging the lowest PPGP for goalies. Wins have been hard to come by recently; Martin Jones has lost significant points for Sitch over the last few weeks and it doesn't look like San Jose will be turning things around anytime soon.

And finally the Rank - how does it feel to be at the top, Safari?

"Let's not jinx it," said Safari, cautiously.

Of course. Until next time, gentlemen and lady,

- Commissioner Randy