WK6 - Pulling a Fass One

OK, it's a bit of an old joke, but you know what they say: great jokes stand the test of time.

WK6 is in the books, and this season appears to be going the way the 2012 Golden Globes went. Remember what happened?

"You can play golf ... with your hands behind your back."

You know you're going places when Mr. George Fucking Clooney is talking about the size of your phallus, comparing it to the likes of a sturdy driver. Well, that was Michael Fassbender he was talking to in 2012; in 2016 so far, I think George would give a hat tip (or hip swing) to Dick Burns.

Dick sits atop the rankings for a second consecutive week, and it looks like he's (so far) fulfilling his promise he made at the beginning of the season: he is going to stay in this League for its entirety and not go MIA. We all know Dick is a creature of habit, so it's very likely that he'll disappear soon enough, but for fuck's sake I sure hope he doesn't because he's absolutely crushing it.

Here are the stats, courtesy of the stats machine:

In a week that saw fewer games played, Dick was once again this week's top bread winner, bringing in home 113.20 fantasy points, closely followed by Tree Bone with 107.10. Dick can thank Jeff Carter and his goalies for punching in valiant efforts.

Not surprisingly, Dick continues to hold court in the PPGP category too, with a 3.33. Tree Bone, who is sitting idle in fifth position, actually has the second-best PPGP in the League with 3.15; watch out for the Lady, as she seems to be lurking in the shadows and waiting for an opportunity to make a move.

The Rainbow is showing something very interesting this year. It seems that offense, for the most part, is quite well distributed among the League. However, scoring has been down and the average PPGP for a player is 2.83. This has made Super-Saturday's very dull, and the meat and potatoes has really come from the back end, i.e. the goalies. Just look at the statistics from Dick Burns: 6.38 PPGP average for a goalie. That's more than double the PPGP for players. Insane!

Adds McGuire: An incredible observation, Commissioner Randy. I'd also like to bring up that Tree Bone, who's fifth, has a monstrous goalie PPGP as well. I really think she could challenge for a top three position if she maintains this goalie PPGP. Her offensive stats have been lagging, but I think that's more ebbs and flows, and with McDavid coming on strong, I feel that her numbers on offense are bound to reverse!

No change in rankings, just the way Dick Burns wants it.

Speak of Dick Burns, I received a message from the man just yesterday. I thought other select-GM's would be happy to hear this information. Though I did not correspond with him much, he did send a sincere text indicating that he's been reading up on the Randy Reports. I thank you, Dick Burns, for your continued readership. I am also happy to hear that you are alive and well, and I hope you return my text soon.

"Oh I will," said Dick Burns. "I'm just a bit busy with... golfing."

Wise words, Dick.