WK4 - Hung Like a Horse

Welcome back to Randy's Weekly Statistical Report.

Stats reporting will start with WK4, as Mr. Fucking Randy was away for the first three weeks on holiday. It's a shame, I know; it's the first time in four seasons that the stats reports will be technically 'incomplete'. What makes it even more unsettling is that the first three weeks had tremendous rank movement which would have been great for commentary.

".. And I was in first for most of it!" cried Safari.

Yes, indeed. I do apologize, dear select-GM's, but the reality is I was stuck in the Orient, playing in fields of rice. Upon my return to Canadian soil, I couldn't help but chuckle at the state of the rankings; once again, we've got a familiar face sitting atop the Randy Leagues.

"You betcha, bitches!" flexed Burgundy. "No need to compete with this Crosbone; I'm hung like a horse!"

"Jeah!"

So, here we go. Here are the stats, courtesy of the stats machine:

TOTAL POINTS (as of November 6, 2016)

1. 501.25 Ron Burgundy

2. 498.25 Dick Burns

3. 471.20 AznSitch

4. 454.40 African Lion Safari

5. 442.35 Tree Bone

Banking Blackhawks wins since 2007.

Burgundy has resumed his presence in the number one slot, thanks to hawk-eyed goaltending from Crawford and stiff-one-eyed boning from Crosbone. Dick Burns has been close behind, rallying from points acquired from his Montreal players (Weber and Price). Everyone else is marking time; they're close, but not close enough.

PPGP

1. 3.41 Ron Burgundy

2. 3.32 Dick Burns

3. 3.03 Tree Bone

4. 2.99 African Lion Safari

5. 2.91 AznSitch

Arguably the most important statistic, Burgundy also tops PPGP, thanks to efficient play, particularly from his skaters. He boasts a 3.20 PPGP for players (i.e. forwards and defense), whereas the League average is 2.90 PPGP. Handsome, no?

"Oh that looks good. Everyone, come see how good my PPGP looks!" screamed Burgundy.

Suffice to say, Burgundy is making quite the case for the threepeat. He's first in points and PPGP; there isn't much more you could ask for from the reigning Champion.

"Let's ask for a penis showdown. He says he's hung; I'd like to see him prove it," said Dick, pants unbuckling.

Wise words, Dick.