Apologies to the literate folks here on the Randy Reports. Last week, I posted our weekly stats report entitled WK8 - Century Crunch, which was in celebration to Sitch and Dick Burns passing the 1,000 point mark. Little did I realize that century is the mark of 100 years, not 1,000! A total brain-fart on my part, lady and gentlemen. This will surely cost me a Pulitzer-Prize (again!).
"I think you were just excited about the 'C' alliteration," said Sitch.
Wow, that's absolutely correct, Sitch. By the way, I'm surprised you know the word alliteration.
Anyways, WK9 will therefore celebrate the Millennium Club, as all select-GM's have now surpassed the 1,000 point mark. Congratulations to all, bitches!
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| May the Force be with you, select-GM's. |
Here are the stats, courtesy of the stats machine:
Sitch was this week's top bread winner, taking in 198.50 fantasy points, just a head of Safari who brought home 192.35 fantasy points. The Crunchy Crasian and the Silver Lion absolutely demolished competition this week as they combined to collect 390.85 fantasy points. The remaining three select-GM's, combined, collected 328.45 points as reference. A fantastic job by Sitch and Safari.
Safari, who had struggled as of late, finally had his week, thanks to heroics from his penta-tandem of goalies, Ovechkin, Simmonds, Letang and Tarasenko. It was long overdue.
Sitch still retains the number one position and has held for two weeks now, but Safari has climbed his way to his familiar silver position and is just shy of first by about 60 fantasy points.
"Don't worry fellas, we all know how this ends," said Safari, sarcastically.
Don't throw in the towel just yet, Safari. The season is still young. Some NHL teams will suddenly make a surge come February as playoff races heat up, and that's where massive points can be made. And, not to jinx it, but Washington has been 'sub-par' in my opinion; I think they are destined for a huge run soon; it may have already started. This bodes well for you as you have Ovechkin and Holtby.
Sitch has now taken over the lead in PPGP with a 3.25.
"It's my favourite statistic!" said Sitch.
Quiet down, meat-head. Sitch and Safari were both this week's top PPGP performers; they both added 0.11 to their PPGP. Safari is close behind at 3.19. The League average is now 3.13, slightly better than last week's 3.11.
In terms of the Rainbow, Sitch's offense has woken up and now leads all teams, averaging 3.08 per player games played. With Stamkos on the IR, Sitch's goals-per-game has fallen, though it's still a respectable 0.27. He's made up for this with assists and averages 0.51 per game. The dark horse here - in terms of points per player games played - is Burgundy though; Big Burgs has a shot % of almost 12%; that's incredibly high, and mostly thanks to --
"CROSBONE!" ejaculated Burgundy.
-- Yes. Crosbone seems to be scoring at will and sports a 26.3% shot percentage. That's insane. You're telling me that he scores once in every four attempts? I'm not sure if he can continue this torrid pace, (his career average is 14.8%) but Burgundy's definitely lurking in the shadows if Crosby can keep this up.
With the holidays just around the corner, it's likely that the select-GM's of this League will gather for some festive drinks and shenanigans. Tree Bone and Sitch do operate their teams out of the same city and have been in constant contact with one another. Burgundy has historically paid Tree Bone and Sitch a visit during the holidays, and may do so again this upcoming holiday season. Dick Burns, Randy League's Man of Mystery, may or may not surface this holiday season; I've yet to hear from him since receiving a text in late November. I am hopeful to hear from him again soon, though he treats me the way he treats his ladies: brokenhearted. International superstar Safari will undoubtedly remain abroad, though he's been known to video-conference with the other select-GM's over the holidays when time permits.
As for Sir Fucking Randy, I'll be perfecting the hanging of Christmas lights, wrapping gifts with laser-like precision and carefully analyzing my newly purchased Roomba.
"Roomba? That's random," said Safari.
Yes, it was somewhat a random purchase. But Morpheus likes a clean living space, so the idea of having something autonomously cleaning intrigued me. I'll keep you folks posted.
Cordially,
Morpheus Randy
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